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Transylvania 6-5000

Director: Rudy DeLuca
Cast: Jeff Goldbloom, Geena Davis, Ed Begley, Jr.
Running time: 92 minutes
Rating: PG

Story: Two tabloid reporters are sent to Transylvania to find Frankenstein who has just re-emerged. They stay in a spooky old castle and encounter a gang of strange people and creatures of the night. They'll have to decide which is more important: Their jobs or their sanity.

Review: The horror spoof is nothing new. In recent years we've had the successful 'Scary Movie' franchise (Though it's debatable if that success is warranted), but many years before that, mostly in the 80s, we had many examples of this subgenre. But like the most recent ones, many horror spoofs of the 1980s are hit or miss. For example, the 1981 Corman production 'Saturday the 14th' is a mildly entertaining, but mostly unfunny horror-comedy. But at least that film isn't dull like the 1985 addition to the genre 'Transylvania 6-5000,' a title based on a really dated joke. Both films deserve to be forgotten, but maybe this one more so.

Featuring an all-star cast of people who went on to bigger and better things, this movie is more yawn-inducing than something that'll have you rolling on the ground. Now before I begin this review I must warn you not to confuse this with 'Transylvania Twist,' an equally dopey, but far more entertaining and even a bit more funny spoof of various types of horror films. This one is a spoof of monster movies, which it fails at since the monsters don't get much exposure or get to do a lot.

The best thing I can say about this film is that it has a wonderful cast. Most of them have starred in many comedies since this and have done really well. Every cast member gives it their all and seem to be having a decent time. The humor is really silly, but there are some amusing bits. For instance, Joseph Bologna plays a mad scientist with a split personality. One minute he's a nice regular Joe, the next he's a madman.

The theme song is corny too, but also catchy and endearing. The actual score is ok too. And finally, yes this is the last really good thing I have to say about this junk, there's some good Yugoslavian locations used. The old chapel is particularly nice and looks like something out of an old vampire movie. But none of these things can keep this film from being bland. There's about as many flaws as positives and they hurt the film hard.

First of all, the plot is super thin. If you read the plot summary above then you'll see why. A lot of the running time is made up of exposition or drawn-out gags. Even worse is that most of the pacing is slow and tedious. Though some of the humor is a bit funny, most of it falls flat on it's face. Like Michael Richard's creepy shtick, it just isn't very funny. As I said above, the monsters don't get a whole lot to do, especially the mummy who is totally wasted. Sure Geena Davis gets to look sexy and camp it up a little, but the part is still threadbare.

But none of those compare to the ending. I won't give it away, but I will say this: If you really want to sit through the whole film, whatever your reasons are, then prepare to be pissed off during the last few minutes. It makes a bad film even worse. Sure this may not be the worst film ever made, but it sure is one of the biggest wastes of time. The cast deserved better and so do their fans and even casual viewers.

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